Let it be her
by RunChildRunAnd-don't-look-back
Summary: Set during and post the season 4 finale. A take on Stefan's view of what happened and what is going through his mind. A hint of Steroline but it's mainly friendship. She knew much more than anyone else about him. Let it be her. Please. Let it be her


It was dark. No. Not dark. Bleak. Though it was the least of his worries. Cold spread from his toes and spilled into his boots, all Stefan could do was yell for help and struggle as the water rose higher in the heavy trunk. Screaming and crying out into the darkness didn't help. All it did was exhaust his throat and dry it out. Though the possibility that he would never again be able to feel the cool nectar of blood sooth the irritation was suddenly dawning on him, he felt he had to. In the midst of the confusion and chaos, crying out and struggling were the only tools he had, and if he didn't exhaust them, if he didn't go down without a fight, he would be helpless. He wouldn't be Stefan Salvatore. He was many things, but when it came to life he wasn't helpless.

A bitter laugh echoed in his mind as the muddy lake water filled his lungs forcing any sounds of his to cease. He wasn't though, was he? He wasn't Stefan Salvatore. All he was, was a Doppelganger. He was a shadow of the man Silas.

The man who was watching the heavy trunk sink, and sleep on the riverbed.

The immortal who was listening to creeping silence as it washed over Stefan.

It was Silas who trudged from the muddy bank of the cliff and sat inside the driver's seat of the car.

Silas who started the car and began driving.

It was Silas who began his journey back to Mystic Falls. Not Stefan.

Hours? Maybe. Months? Possibly. Years? Perhaps. Time was lost in the riverbed. As were most of his senses and his skin. His nose was the first to crumble, and all he could do was watch the skin peel from him and float around in the enclosed space. There was no bloating. None yet. The freezing water stopped it. At least, that was what he could remember from medical school. _God, that seems like a lifetime ago_. Well, technically it was. Being locked in that trunk was a never-ending hell. It was times like these he wished he was human the most. Not because he wanted a life, or a beating heart, but because he wanted to die. _The thing about humans_, he thought, _is that they always know the right time to die. They die when they've had enough._ And he could use that right about now. Because lord knows he had had more than enough. This dark solitude forced him to the brink of death, only to be held from the edge by vampirism fickle hand. And yet, despite his awful condition the worst thing about his situation was that he was all alone. No one to talk to. All he could do to occupy himself was to reflect on his thoughts. And oh, the many thoughts he had. At first he thought about many profound and philosophical views. He thought about how wasted his life had been. And how he had wasted the lives of many others. It was ironic how the true cost of his Vampirism had not been his life. It had been the life of a human. Vampires were nothing more than a plague on humanity, feeding on them. And it all began with Silas. True the Originals were the first vampires, but Silas was the first immortal to feed on humans.

What would happen when Silas returned to Mystic Falls. Or if he even would. Stefan laughed silently, it had taken him this long to consider what would happen. _Well_,_ I think I can forgive myself in this instance for being a little selfish. _

If Silas chose never to return then Damon and Elena would surely not blame him, thinking Silas was Stefan. They would just attribute any strange behaviour he had to his heartbreak and loss at Elena. Elena. The one girl who he had so very dearly loved. The very thought of her made his heart ache in grief. It was painful to think about her. She was, kind and gentle, and beautiful. Most of all beautiful. And caring.

"No she's not." Said Lexi. She was laying on her side, arm propping up her head and she smiled down into Stefan's narrowed eyes. "She's selfish. Let's face it. You know she is. I know she is. Her friends know she is. She descended from Katherine for god's sake! Of course she's going to be."

_You don't know her like I do_.

"Stefan, you do realise that I'm a hallucinations from _your_ mind. So basically, yeah, I do." She scoffed. "How about that Silas? I did not see that one coming." Her eyes widened and she nudged him. "Ohh! Or maybe he's lying again. Maybe you're not his Doppelganger."

_It's possible. He's screwed with me before. Maybe he just wanted to catch me off guard so he could throw me in here and assume my life. _

"See," she tapped his shoulder. "Things are looking up."

_You mean, aside from the fact that I'm locked in a trunk on the bottom of an isolated river with no hopes of ever being found. And to top it off, I'm decomposing alive._

"Yeah, aside from that. But there's a possibility you are your own person." She shrugged. "And technically, there's not 'no hope' of ever being found."

_There may as well be. Bonnie's- Bonnie's dead. Jeremy and I were never close enough for him to know me. And Damon and Elena will never find me, they're too busy..._

"Shacking up? Yeah. You're right on that front. I don't think you can count on them. Besides, Elena does tend to be really-" she stopped at his narrowed eyes. "The girl broke your heart. Some Elena bashing will do you good."

_No. Let me wallow in self-pity and reflect on the fact that I'm practically all alone and nobody cares enough for me to notice that I'll have been acting strange._

Lexi was thoughtfully quiet when she scanned his face, pursing her lips, she spoke Stefan's own thoughts to him again. "There's not... Nobody..." He gave her a questioning look. "Come on Stefan, don't be dense. I'm-"

_A hallucination, I know. But it's nice having a conversation with my dead best friend, can you blame me? Indulge me, please?_

She arched an eyebrow. "Well I don't really have a choice in the matter. Anyway," her apprehensive expression formed again, "there is one person."

"_Caroline Forbes_." He thought the name as she spoke it.

"She's smart, and she knows you. Like really knows you. She knows ripper you, drunk you, grumpy you, happy you-"

Which is rare.

"Extremely rare. I mean, think about it. Ever since you and Elena broke up, how often do you and Caroline talk?"

We see each other almost everyday and talk everyday too. She's bound to notice.

"And remember when Tyler was possessed by Klaus? She figured out it wasn't Tyler in like under 2 minutes flat."

That much was true. He remembered hearing the story from Caroline. She had recounted the whole tale while pouring herself some liquor back at the Salvatore house.

_But Silas is a mind reader. He'll know. Face it. I'm stuck for eternity._

"No. I refuse to believe that." Lexi pouted. There was a reason she was his hallucination of choice. Yes, she was his best friend. But she also represented his hope. She was everything good about him. And that was what he needed right now. _Caroline Forbes_. It was true, she knew him better than Elena. Though neither of them would care to admit it. The memory of Elena accusing him of being hurt and lashing out drifted up. The truth was, he wasn't. She didn't know him, she didn't know what he was like when he wasn't in love with her. And said as much. But Caroline... She was his 'sober coach'. He imagined a smile on his face. It was her own coined term. She knew much more than anyone else about him. _Let it be her. Please. Let it be her. Let her be the one to find me. Let her know something is wrong._ He imagined her face, and her smile and willed the thought with all his remaining might. _Let it be her_. Caroline-

"-Forbes! Just stop would you!" Tyler followed her out into the front of the Lockwood Mansion. "Care! Look would you atleast explain what's going on to me?" She turned around and seriously considered telling him. But if her suspicions were right then she couldn't risk it. If Silas wasn't in his grave, and Stefan was Silas then Tyler could be in danger if he knew. She wouldn't risk that, she wouldn't risk losing him when she just got him back.

He reached her and she sighed, her hands on her forehead. "I - I can't Tyler. Please. I need you to trust me on this. It's important."

"Why? Why can't you tell me?"

Placing her hands on his cheeks she kissed him gingerly on the lips. "Because I don't want to lose you again." Then before he could protest she sped to car and started the engine. "If anyone asks then I've gone to see Bonnie!" She shouted out of the window and she drove away.

He shook his head, eyes wide and mouth agape. She exasperated him but he couldn't do anything about it. He loved her, and had to trust that whatever she was doing was for the best. He walked back inside. But that didn't stop him from blowing up her phone with messages.

Messages that she tried her best to ignore as she hurried down the highway to the river Stefan dumped Silas' body in. This wasn't spontaneous. She had been suspecting Stefan wasn't his usual self for a while. But Caroline kept telling herself it was heartbreak. He'd been acting unusual all since graduation, granted a lot had happened. But it was certain looks that he gave her, like he wasn't sure how to act or what to say. And when she leafed through his diary two days ago, taking full advantage of his absence in the room to find out what was going on, she saw that it hadn't been written in since the night prior to the beginning of his weird behaviour. He acted like Stefan but it always felt a little off, and forced. Yet again, she believed him to be tired of everything, and who could blame him? But today, she was watching invasion of the body snatchers with Tyler, celebrating two months since their reunion, when it finally clicked. What else had happened on the day of graduation? Silas had been immobilized and Stefan had been different ever since he had come back from dropping his body into the water fall. It was possible that Silas was pretending to be Stefan. And that he had been messing with everybody's minds when they saw him turn to stone. After all, that was what he did, play with people's minds. So she ran out of the mansion with Tyler running after her, with the intention to go check on Silas' body.

Let it be her. He thought. Lexi was no longer with him. Now the place where her hallucination had awkwardly lay was empty. So he had gone back to his own thoughts. Stefan was too tired to bring up another figment of his imagination. His energy was slowly depleting. Soon enough he would be so tired that he wouldn't be able to think. But he looked forward to that. The prospect of his mind becoming so tired he fell away into a sleep excited him. Then he wouldn't notice time at all. He wouldn't be forever stuck in a limbo. He wouldn't be lying in the trunk with his mind pretending to hear a car drive up to add some entertainment. Or with it pretending to hear a splash as someone dived into the water. admittedly his mind was in excellent condition, and was superbly strong. He could almost feel himself lurch sideways as it pretended to be dragged out.

And then the water began to spill out from the trunk. The watery haze lifted from his mind. This was happening. Someone was rescuing him. When enough water was cleared from his head he began coughing up water, spewing the muddy liquid from his lungs all around himself. There was a rush of noise as the person undid the chains. A frenzy of sound and they smashed open the lock. It was a vampire. That much was clear from the sound of their speedy actions. The trunk lid opened. It was a blonde Vampire. He found himself holding the biggest grin on earth as he looked up at Caroline's horrified face. It was her.

**The Sequel is now up. It's called 'Losing her'.**

**R&R**


End file.
